I saw a deer outside my professor’s house today. I have been going over there regularly to water his plants while he’s on vacation. When I was almost finished, I walked back into the front living room and gasped when I saw the deer step out of the woods, walk across the driveway, then stop in the grass of their front yard to eat. I sat on the floor by the fern and swept up fallen fronds with my fingers. She noticed me shortly after that, and looked up quickly and stared at me through the glass while I smiled stupidly on the other side. She was so beautiful and fragile, I had to watch. Of course, it’s not like I’ve never seen deer before; they jump out in front of our cars at home all the time. When Grandma lived with us, they used to come up in the backyard outside the window and eat large acorns off the ground. Even then, we would stop in awe, whispering to each other while watching them bend their necks repeatedly towards the ground. But for some reason this seemed different. Maybe it’s because Milledgeville is more heavily populated, and deer sightings are rare. I think it’s because she was so close, just a few feet from the window, and I got to watch her for the longest amount of time ever.
After she noticed me, I didn’t bother sweeping the fronds anymore. I just sat as still as possible and watched her. Every time she lifted her head to chew, she’d face me, but I didn’t move. I had rather do anything at that moment than scare her away. It was time for me to go and eat a snack, but I didn’t care. She was thin and clearly needed to eat more than I did. I knew that if I got in my car to leave, she’d run away and she didn’t have a grocery store or a fully stocked pantry to go home to, so I let her enjoy her meal. She ate dried Mimosa blossoms that had fallen on the driveway. I was so close to her that when she swallowed, I could see the lump move down her slender neck. I could see her shining black nose twitching, sniffing the air as she watched me.
I had never noticed before how large deer’s ears are, how they stick out at wide angles from the narrow head. Her ears were crusted on the back with bug bites. I have seen mounted deer before, but their antlers must overwhelm the ears. Her legs were so tiny, like standing on sticks. Her hooves were black and polished, like an animal you’d see on display in a petting zoo. She kept her tail tucked down, and once, when she had turned away from me, I saw it twitching slightly, swaying back and forth like cows’ tails do. I thought this was a good sign. It showed that she wasn’t too scared of me, despite all the times she stared at me as she chewed. Once, she started at a noise and I saw all the muscles in her body jump for an instant. Her fur was tawny with white cottony bits along her stomach. It lay short in straight lines across her back and I imagined what it would feel like to pet her.
After watching her for about ten minutes, she moved off into the grass again, behind a bush. I stood up to keep watching her through another window, and I think she saw me even through the bush. She walked back up the hill towards the woods she had come from, then across the driveway to another patch of woods. I watched her until I couldn’t see her through the thick foliage. Then, when I left, I could hear her somewhere on the other side of the driveway, up the other hill that I didn’t use. She made some kind of scratching, screeching sound, as if to warn others of my presence. I walked around the car to see if I could get one more glimpse of her, but I didn’t see her again.
As I sat watching her, I knew I would write about it. I considered how I might use it in a story I’m working on. Perhaps seeing a deer could be a moment of epiphany for my character, make him realize something. I say I want my fiction to relate to nature, but I realize now that only the characters in one story actually interact with the natural environment. And I would like more of my characters to do so. It reminded me of the Raymond Carver story, “Call If You Need Me,” in which an estranged married couple connect as they watch horses that have wandered into their yard.
It was interesting for me, sitting there, I wondered how anyone could shoot deer. I’ve eaten deer lots of times and think it’s delicious, but I couldn’t watch her eat and want to kill her at the same time. I thought, well, hunters don’t kill fragile small deer like this one. They only shoot the large, mean-looking bucks and older, healthier does. Maybe that’s something for my character to think about.
